CONFESSIONS OF A SEMI-REBOUND GUY

You came into my life
with that sunny smile and bubbly personality of yours
i wondered why someone so wonderful would just waltz into my life

I was there for you
I cared for you
i answered every phone call at all hours
i responded every mail and text message

I showered you with praise and attention
and never had an agenda or ulterior motive
i just enjoyed your  company and every moment with you

It seemed like bliss , it  all seemed wonderful
and then

You’d breeze past me like a hurricane
without even as much as a hi on your way to meet him
i thought he was the past
you’d stand me up even when you called for a meet and never apologize
I’d stand in the cold waiting for you’d show up with someone else
you’d zone out when it was my turn to talk
you’d call me by his name time and time again

The hurt the pain the confusion
so much time together, so many emotions
what does it all mean, am i over reacting, paranoid?

Your mind boggling question like a rubix cube with disco lights
Why don’t you like me?
Are you ashamed of me ?
Why are you making me miss you?
She likes me , She likes me not
i can never figure out exactly where i stand

And then those words were uttered
did i mean nothing to you
all that time spent was in vain, meaningless

Was i just an emotional gigolo
a burn recovery ward for your hurts and fights
a surrogate boyfriend doing all the work and no rewards
a pacifier for when he was not available
a dealer to your Attention junkie fixes
only good enough when he’s not emotionally or physically available

I was everything you wanted ,needed
everything inside that you wished he could be ,
saying all the right thing being all the right things
yet i mean nothing to you because “there’s no spark”

Pardon Me
I should see you when he’s not around

WHAT!!!!!

That’s it , I’m done
I’m done, I’m out
You came into MY life
you said he was the past
i never asked much or pressured you
treated you like royalty
and this is how you do me!!
that’s who i am to you

I’m walking away
i should have seen you were trouble from the start
taught me so many lessons , about being with
“on a break” hearts
Jeze u have struck the final chord
This is the last time
I’d hurt myself for the sake of being with you
good bye good luck

Tick Toc Tick Toc
FFWD 9 MONTHS

Hello , Who is this, WHO
Oh , it’s you
I wondered why i was smelling brimstone
So, What made you remember me today Delilah
You want me to what!!
I should call you what?
Sorry, no more terms of endearment
That ship has sailed,
been given a Viking burial
and gone to Davy Jones locker
As i recall, there was “no spark”
Huh….You’re sad
He messed up, got tired of your ways and
walked away from you
OH i get it, shoes on the other foot now
2nd degree burn
I should meet you where?
You want to give what a try
Re Kindle what?
Woman please, Do i look like a glutton for punishment
It hurts so bad!!, Oh really!!
Cry me a river build a bridge and get over it
Slither away just like you slithered in
like crack cocaine flushed down the toilet
i wave Good Bye, but it wasn’t nice seeing you

RANDOM THOUGHTS-FISHY AMPHIBIANS AND ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SCIENCE

When we think of the term fish,it’s a natural assumption that tends to take the mind to all the creatures in the ocean. It encompasses so much. There are clown fish, star fish, sword fish scaled, non scaled and so much more. There are different conditions for the fish to live in fresh water and salt water fish. Within this same ocean, there are dolphins,sharks , whales , and at some level many of them are called fish. Within this term, there are plankton , there are bottom feeders , there are scavengers and there are the predators all in the fish family. There are fish that swim in schools, those that follow the trails, others have left behind. There are the hunters, those that are disguised in as sea weed or in the sand, lying in wait to strike the unassuming approaching.

However, elementary school science, will remind us , that not all that dwell in the sea are fish. even if they look like fish. Dolphins are mammals,turtles are amphibians as well as platypus. Yet sometimes we assume and use the term “plenty of fish in the sea”. To refresh our memory, an amphibian is a cold blooded vertebrate animal, that shuttles between the land and sea to live.

In the past years , the fish symbol, t shirts and bumper stickers have become very popular amongst church attendants. I say church attendants because sometimes we just attend to mark weekly register to fulfil all righteousness or procedure. We carry the tag or title of scripture , speak the talk, and swagger the walk, but just a creature lives in the sea and has fins ,does not make it a fish.

If going to church made us Christians, half of North America’s population would be Hamburgers and the UK’s kebabs.

Unfortunately , the world can not distinct between the real fish that live in the sea of God’s will, and the amphibians that leave the sea, back to the world in search of this that or the other. The thing is , though fish and amphibians can co-exist in the sea, the fish can not exist outside the sea, and can not follow the amphibian to where it goes outside the sea.

The question is , which are we ? Are we the real fish that dwells only in the sea, dependent on it for our existence and life , or are we the spiritual amphibian, that shuttles back and forth between the land and the sea ,never really deciding where it wants to be.

Do we pose as Christians but constantly leave the will of God, to go back and “do our thing” , “have fun” or “live life” in the world. Does the world see us as “Christians” and at the same time “one of them”?

“Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing;…” II Cor. 6:17).

RANDOM THOUGHTS- NOTHIN HIDDEN UNDER THE SUN OF SEED TIME AND HARVEST

The expression , nothing is hidden under the sun , is usually used to
explain the fact, that , whatever is done in secret, or we think we do in secret
would come out to be revealed in public for other eyes to see

It has happened in history, it happens everyday in life
affairs usually come back to haunt the culprits
either through children born out of that affair
or a fatal attraction type of obsession from the jilted party

In the 90′s the biggest betrayal in US intelligence history
since Benedict Arnold, was Aldrich Ames, the Judas of the CIA
for many years he sold secrets to the then Soviet Union
he made a lot of money from it, and was basking in the luxury
of his ill gotten gains ,but eventually he was revealed and convicted

At the beginning of the Noughties , the USA was rocked
by the Enron scandal which happened right under the noses
of one of the most respected professional firms in the world
it happened slowly and meticulously , deceitfully
and it seemed that they were getting away with it all but
eventually it was revealed and the perpetrators where made to bite the dust
literally for the King of them

The Elvis of the White house
Bill “i did not have sexual relations with THAT woman” Clinton
seemed like a genuine clean cut guy
he ,wife Hilary and daughter Chelsea
seemed like the picture perfect couple
until Linda Tripp, made a tape of her conversation
with a certain Ms Lewinsky and it happened as a snowball effect
that went on to reveal the Don Juan past of the Baby Faced president
for many years he had sexcapdes , from his days as governor
he seemed to get away with most of them
and they were swept under the carpet and surprisingly
did not feature much during his campaign for the oval office
quite similar to that of a President he shook hands with as a teenager

Many of us do things that we feel will never be discovered
we engage in activities that are spur of the moment
which may be done with a clear head or intoxicated
they may be done out of giving in to peer pressure
or out of some sense of curiosity which gets the better of us

You may be thinking that this is far from
the reality of everyday people
after all, those are people in unique public eye positions

Anyone that attended any type of formal education setting
can testify that people’s “business” usually becomes public knowledge
those things said or done in private become public
and sometimes , define the reputation of the person
for the entirety of their time in the school and beyond.

A few years ago i was walking down the street
and i ran into someone i went to school with
we engaged in chit chat and it was nice catching up
A few months later , i ran into another alumni
and i mentioned to this person that i had seen a friend
the very first thing that they recalled the person by
was the reputation that they had built from the “secret” things
they had gotten up to , with the person they were seeing at the time
this story had some how also spread through out the various NYSC camps
who ask you to confirm once they know you went to that school

It just crushed me to hear that
this was an event that took place more than 8 years ago
it had taken place in private, behind closed doors
it was just a one time thing , an experiment
like they do in the movies at college parties
Who was going to find out?
But that was the only thing
that the person was identified by , dismissively

That reputation has transcended time
it has crossed geographical barriers and
i am pretty sure similar to the memory of the dismissive party,
remains in the memory
of every other person ,that ever heard the story

I don’t know if the concerned party
still lives that lifestyle
or practices those escapades that defined their reputation
and though , there are no Paris Hilton type viewing
on the internet
an action that was meant to be in secret
has tainted the perception
that several have of an individual
that thought their activity was being
carried out in privacy

The question is
is there anything we are doing currently
that we know we can not proudly defend
or would find extremely embarrassing to us
personally or professionally
or to our families and reputations
if someday, somehow it becomes public knowledge.

When we throw out our lives with no forethought
it’s not like a rock that is hurled and lost
For, it’s only a matter of time before the repercussions
come back like a boomerang to lay the smack down

RANDOM THOUGHTS- REMEMBER THE CHILD OF WHOM YOU ARE

For the people that had the privilege of
growing up in a home with loving parents
that trained,disciplined and chastised with Love
Parent, who taught us how to live and through this
helped us build character
we often heard this statement
mostly, when leaving home for school
or some other place where the guiding eyes of
our parents, or those that knew us,did not reach
“remember the child of whom you are”

For an African child This is a very powerful statement,that bears gravity meaning
“you carry your family name” ,”whatever you do outside reflects on the entire family”
“you are not your own” ,”Do not do anything that would stain the family name”

This completely eradicates the ,”it’s my life I’ll do what i want with it”
which many use as a cop out to live a care free life

Looking at the lives of celebrities
when you hear the name Presley, you immediately
think about Elvis, his daughter is still under the shadow of that name
John Kennedy Jnr , from his earl childhood till his death
was known by the name of his family
Performer ,Lilly Allen, is the daughter of Keith Allen
and some question if she’d be in the limelight
if not for the name of her already famous father
Nicolas Cage was born Nicolas Coppola
but changed it because he wanted to cut
his own path and not be

When you hear the names Hitler, Mussolini, Amin
they are immediately attributed to a certain emotion
and for the foreseeable future
those names will remain in infamy to those that bear it
no matter what good, the recent generation do

As children of God
what lifestyles are we living
and how do it reflect , on the lineage that we claim
Do we have lifestyle, that contradict our father?
What are we getting up to?
What places are we going ?
Who or what are we involved with or in?
Do we put ourselves in situations
that can make observers say
i thought he/she was a Christian
Does the life we live reflective positively or negatively on God
Wherever , Richard Branson
or Donald Trumps children go
their heritage will always shine through as children of their father
they are distinct from the other publicity seeking, and notorious kids
of other tycoons

How does our attitude , appearance and lifestyle
show the father that we claim
is it a great example, is it any distinct from the others around?
Are we exemplary sons and daughters

Based on the life we are living
if he appears in the blinking of an eye
would he be proud to say
where he finds us, in what he finds us doing
This is my child

RANDOM THOUGHTS- THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF WAVES,FREQUENCIES,BANDWIDTHS AND P.N OKEKE

As a semi pre-teen, i decided to explore my big bro’s slim double deck boom box he got for Christmas. Playing with the radio i discovered that there was a world beyond FM and AM. There was SW,MW,UHF,SHF and so on.

There were broadcasts that i did not even know existed . Years later, in the days of high school when physics has everybody talking about “boy i can’t wait to finish” , we were schooled in; Sound ,waves, Bandwidths and Frequencies

I am still amazed by the concept of radio waves, we cannot see them, but they are all around us. Every where we are, while we eat ,sleep, play and do our secret little things. A person can choose to deny the existence of radio waves, or their presence all around us ,but just because they can not see the waves, but there wont be the need for a debate, all we need to do is turn on a radio.

Still within the world of waves,there are bandwidths and there frequencies .Of the two bandwidths there are two most known are AM and FM. The FM is the commercial one which we are familiar with that host the stations we love . However , the dominance of the FM station does not extinguish the existence of the AM, which also has it’s faithful listeners . The thing about waves is, you can never find an FM frequency, while searching on an AM bandwidth, they are parallel line, that can NEVER meet . Even if by some fate Jam Master Radio is 96.9 FM, you can never find it while searching an AM frequency .

Many of us try to connect to God, but do not want to leave our current bandwidth to switch to his own bandwidth. We keep freaking out , frantically searching for him on the world’s bandwidth,the wrong bandwidth. We tune into the frequency number that we remember we heard, but it does not happen or manifest the station we are looking for,all because we are on the wrong bandwidth.

If we ever want; to connect with him, live for him and have everything that his word promises. We have to leave the bandwidth of the world, it’s values,ideals morals and switch to God’s bandwidth to connect with him.

RANDOM THOUGHTS- VOICES…JUST BECAUSE………..

Just Because…..
Just because I’m black
does not mean i can’t prefer “Wonderwall” to “Hard Knocked Life”
or have to love everything Spike Lee has ever done

Just because I’m of African origin
does not mean i know everything happening on the continent

Just because I’m a man
does not mean i have a one track mind

Just because you are beautiful
does not mean i want to “hit that” because i start a conversation

Just because I’m being nice
does not mean that i have hidden intentions

Just because i’m a man of faith
does not mean that i lack intellectual insight on issues

Just because I’m male
does not mean i indulge in Hugh Hefner type products

Just because I’m composed on the outside
does not mean I’m not broken on the inside

Just because i seem unmoved
does not mean that i don’t bruise easily(like a grape)

Just because I’m a porcupine on the outside
hides the fact that I’m a marshmallow on the inside

Just because I’m Asian
does not mean that i can quote Sun Tu

Just because I’m beautiful
does not mean i don’t have insecurities

Just because I’m vivacious
hides the fact I’m overtly self conscious

Just because i’m a rapper
does not mean i don’t appreciate Plato,Aristotle,Homer’s Iliad

Just because i’m wearing a hoodie in your shop
does not mean i have nefarious intentions…it’s cold out there

Just because i’m white and i have a skin haircut
does not mean i’m a a hooligan or prejudiced

Just because i dress grungy
does not mean i’m not well read and enlightened

Just because i’m not conversing actively
does not mean i’m not listening to every word you say

Just because i have my own hopes and dreams
does not means i’m blind to or can’t support yours

Just because i bring the romance to our relationship
does not mean i don’t want to be treated too…guys need it too..

Just because I’m a geek
does not mean i can’t break my foot off in ………

Just because i’m mild mannered Clark Kent on the outside
there just might be a Superman (or Freakzoid) in cryo-stasis within

Just because I’m Latino
does not mean you can sing La Cucaracha, when i enter the room

Just because I’m tall and happen to be black
does not mean i like to play basketball, i may play classical piano

Just because i put a smile on my face
does not mean i don’t have troubling things on my mind

Just because I’m financially comfortable
does not mean i have achieved it all

Just because I’m educated
does not mean i don’t still have a lot to learn

Just because i “demo” a lot
just hides the real me that is scared and shy

Just because i write issues on life
does not mean i have it all figured out

just because

IT’S SAD…..

It’s sad

It’s sad that in the internet age with information just a click away people are still so ignorant about the world beyond their state borders,nations shores.

It’s sad that we live in a world that fights for animal right and the life of the planet and then turns around for the right to slaughter unborn children

It’s sad that the well embraced “forward liberal thinking” contributes daily to the moral decay and decline of society

It’s sad that self discipline is loathed and derided but the repercussions of “freedom”/free living ,daily lie unwanted and lonely in incubators and racked in pain on dying beds.

It’s sad that intelligent design is mocked as dismissed as fantasy of fools yet the geniuses believe the intricacies of the human being and nature came from an explosion.

it’s sad that though we all want to go to Heaven some of us don’t want God to be there when we get there. It’s sad that so many diversions,distractions and road side attractions have taken so many off the straight and narrow.

It’s sad that in a “usual suspects: type line up there is no clear distinction in the dressing of those of faith and those that know no faith

It’s sad that you can see just as much cleavage in the church as u do in the club It’s sad that you can hear just as much “i tapped that …… last night” in the congregation as you do in the locker room

It’s sad that such a wonderful act of love has been trivialized into a cure for boredom/ casual recreation.

It’s sad that a nation rewards teenage pregnancy with a flat and an allowance but allows pensioners and retirees to get back in the 9 to 5 grind to survive

It’s sad that sometimes we truly sincerely believe we are right about something but “there is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but in the end leads to destruction”

It’s sad that instead of having a ripple effect on the world the household of faith has become a vacuum.

It is sad that the desperation for one’s “other half” leads many on the path of self, emotional and sometimes eternal destruction

It’s sad that instead for equilibrium in and from a partner we’ve been programmed to search for an incomplete “other half”

It’s sad that greed, ignorance and long term myopia stops a nation with so much potential from waking up from slumber and economic mediocrity

It’s sad that the negative and stereotypical image a race hates so much is perpetuated in the music and movies by their own people.

It’s sad that the media has brain washed us with the “have ……and then be……..” mentality instead of teaching us the reverse.

It’s sad that the circle of what is considered “socially acceptable” is frightfully ever increasing and encompassing as each new human whim or indulgence appears

the instruction manual

Finally gave in and become a citizen of  The ‘Pod nation’ the other day. Like most people i eagerly and somewhat impatiently opened the package to reveal my purchase, my latest “asset” . I plunged straight into the device , prodding and poking , trying madly to figure it out . For quite a while an illustration appeared on the screen which i tried to follow, but the darn thing was still not working. I pushed, prodded , pulled and tugged still nothing. I decided to call one of my tech savy friends and he gave moi a few tips. Tried them out but they did not work for me the same they had worked for him. I decided to check the site and even google it , but some reason those free downloads looked a bit dodgy , so i skipped them.

It then occurred to me to look at the manual, which i had ignored or not even acknowledged. The manual gave a simple instruction which i followed , but for some reason, they were downloading but still not working . Called my boy again, could not help out.I was on my own. I was beginning to think this thing was defective and thoughts of kicking down Steve’s door down like the transporter flashed briefly through my mind.

I stepped back from it all cause even Roy Jones was forced to lean back. I then noticed behind the many windows i had opened , The download package which had been sitting there. Which i had failed to sift through all the congestion. I did the appropriate shizzle, bada boom bada bing i was in business. Mr Jobs had not gba’d me after all,lol. It has suddenly occurred to me through that episode. That, is exactly how many of us try to get through life. We push, pull, tug all to no avail. Run from pillar to post , call friends and every conceivable person in search of answers and assistance. We try to follow the instruction and fail to acknowledge that the solution has been provided, waiting behind all the clamor of our trying so hard. We fail to read the Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth . which is the original instruction manual for mankind, providing the solution to making it all work.